....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
