P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize