I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
