She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
