That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
