Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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