my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
