i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
