You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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