I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
