Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
