She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You have to summon your inner elephant
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
