Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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