Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
