i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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