We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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