so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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