i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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