When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
