im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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