I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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