Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize