call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
