They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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