the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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