It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
