I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
