did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
