Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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