in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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