Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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