you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
