fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
