hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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