Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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