If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
