i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
