He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
