did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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