Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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