she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
