Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
