Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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