Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
