he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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