I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
