just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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