Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
