I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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