living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
