in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
