Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
