I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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