when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
