i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
