apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
