Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
