I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm like, not good at living.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
