Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
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she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.