Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT