Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I painted my nails silver

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And what are the implications of that?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien

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  (313): I painted my nails silver (586): And what are the implications of that? (313): Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien http://tfl.nu/iy32
  Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (583)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (13113) Bad night (794)
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  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (3914) Bad night (1091)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.

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  (612): i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited. http://tfl.nu/7k6j
  Replies (22) Good night (897) Bad night (8106)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

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  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (7231) Bad night (834)
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  (707): View more from California

  My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her

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  (707): My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her http://tfl.nu/qrm1
  Replies (10) Good night (2141) Bad night (618)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won

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  (651): So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won http://tfl.nu/y3ji
  Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (1485)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

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  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2491) Bad night (738)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?

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  (215): Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch? http://tfl.nu/5ls9
  Replies (5) Good night (1041) Bad night (628)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck

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  (914): Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck http://tfl.nu/xehn
  Replies (2) Good night (2329) Bad night (365)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring gay.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.

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  (250): Bring gay. (250): By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay. http://tfl.nu/xg2s
  Replies (3) Good night (2009) Bad night (440)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

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  (407): It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate" http://tfl.nu/k3ux
  Replies (1) Good night (699) Bad night (749)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.

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  (540): When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become. http://tfl.nu/2ybp
  Replies (1) Good night (472) Bad night (280)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I almost fell asleep reading that.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I almost fell asleep fucking it.

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  (405): No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora. (405): I almost fell asleep reading that. (405): I almost fell asleep fucking it. http://tfl.nu/v47a
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (905)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.

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  (614): yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner. http://tfl.nu/ta4u
  Replies (1) Good night (571) Bad night (160)

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