My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
