Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

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  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (18) Good night (6669) Bad night (739)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

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  (708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you http://tfl.nu/ee4s
  Replies (11) Good night (1571) Bad night (2950)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?

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  (859): Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night? http://tfl.nu/rh55
  Replies (8) Good night (3224) Bad night (855)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could

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  (908): you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could http://tfl.nu/ea9t
  Replies (4) Good night (3420) Bad night (1217)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

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  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7420) Bad night (1073)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?

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  (248): Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet? http://tfl.nu/so9l
  Replies (9) Good night (2212) Bad night (1818)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.

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  (920): just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch. http://tfl.nu/t841
  Replies (5) Good night (5646) Bad night (1052)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  the ladder is at the bottom of the pool

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  (440): the ladder is at the bottom of the pool http://tfl.nu/1udk
  Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (932)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.

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  (937): I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding. http://tfl.nu/schb
  Replies (5) Good night (2361) Bad night (871)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge

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  (336): The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge http://tfl.nu/ygw7
  Replies (15) Good night (2924) Bad night (660)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.

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  (360): I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/rb31
  Replies (7) Good night (1173) Bad night (627)
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  (315): View more from New York

  max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet

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  (315): max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet http://tfl.nu/2t6q
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (662)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.

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  (801): If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run. http://tfl.nu/bk6l
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (1034)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.

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  (315): My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair. http://tfl.nu/70uu
  Replies (6) Good night (777) Bad night (429)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

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  (317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m
  Replies (3) Good night (729) Bad night (354)

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