If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
