Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.

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  (519): Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me. http://tfl.nu/7rdg
  Replies (12) Good night (3583) Bad night (973)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (9269) Bad night (827)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am midnight drunk by noon

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  (773): I am midnight drunk by noon http://tfl.nu/nu2g
  Replies (7) Good night (4617) Bad night (704)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

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  (660): I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better. http://tfl.nu/xn35
  Replies (45) Good night (4502) Bad night (1417)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage

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  (201): Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/vsxr
  Replies (13) Good night (4858) Bad night (1083)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4583) Bad night (1494)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.

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  (907): She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/lil1
  Replies (7) Good night (3767) Bad night (907)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

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  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (8285) Bad night (1473)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.

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  (304): My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point. http://tfl.nu/bf1e
  Replies (6) Good night (609) Bad night (1241)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.

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  (516): Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper. http://tfl.nu/j9dy
  Replies (7) Good night (1727) Bad night (637)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2640) Bad night (649)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm okay with that.

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  (215): This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something. (267): I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/qf21
  Replies (6) Good night (1070) Bad night (811)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried

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  (905): He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried http://tfl.nu/pylc
  Replies (5) Good night (455) Bad night (650)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married

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  (775): We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married http://tfl.nu/4cyw
  Replies (5) Good night (319) Bad night (542)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.

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  (847): Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter. http://tfl.nu/xcxl
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (136)

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