just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.