Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again