I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.