I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
