It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
