i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love you. Go after that dick
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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