We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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