hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
