Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
