You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
