im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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